A diary

Northern Lights

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死亡之翼

Ha ha!

How wonderful day!

I think that you must be very happy all day!

Kazune想月

還不錯呢...很充實、快樂...

只不過有些錯誤再看一次..應該可以發現..

月辰．龍

Some words spelled wrong,such as good bye.
I think it's a careless mistake.
What do mean "I was as happy as clam".
Weired!

artifact

o
[quote=Northern Lights]Today,I tried a new way to approach a girl whom I[/quote][quote=Northern Lights] had crush on since last year.I started going to school by riding bicycle and I knowed that her home was located at the same direction with mine.After school and cram school,the thing I dreamed for a long times happened. The girl rode her bicycle to go home and I was just near by her. We chated a little while and said good-bye to each other. Even though just about three minutes, I was as happy as clam.Now I love to ride to school. (If there are some mistakes or inadequate sentences,please tell me.^^)[/quote]

1. had crush
had a crush
2. knowed
knew
3. was
is
This is as I assumed that you are telling something which is "always true" at present, so using "is" would be better than using "was", which sounds like her house ONLY "was" located in the same direction.
4. with mine
as mine
5. the thing I dreamed for a long times
the thing I've been dreaming for a long time
You didn't dream it once, did you? You should've dreamed about it many times, so using "have been dreaming" should be more suitable imo.
6. The girl rode her bicycle to go home and I was just near by her
The girl went home riding her bicycle and I was just next to her.
If what you were trying to say is, you went home with her and both of you were riding on bikes, I would say it in a completely different way as below:
I accompanied her on her way home
But I don't think its necessary to tell that you both were riding on the bike because its not as important as telling that "you accompanied the girl"
7. chated
chatted for a little while
8. I was as happy as clam
Not sure what you tried to say but... Maybe you would like to check up the word "Clam" in the dictinoary? Clam = 蚌 (你開心得變成了蚌?) ... Or is there any other meaning which I couldn't define?
9. Now I love to ride to school.
Now I love riding to school.

[quote=月辰．龍]Some words spelled wrong, such as good bye. [/quote][quote=月辰．龍]I think it's a careless mistake.
What do mean "I was as happy as clam".
Weired![/quote]

1. spelled wrong
spelt wrongly
2. Weired
Weird

If made any mistakes or someone disagree with me, it would be more than welcome to see the others comment. ^^"a Hope I didn't sound too arrogant .... My English isn't good in the first place... anyway anyway ...

最終奧義

1. spelled wrong
spelt wrongly

I think it might be better if you use "Spelt incorrectly"

and by the way

I started going to school by riding bicycle and I knowed that her home was located at the same direction with mine.

This sentence can be said in another way which might look better

I started riding bicycle to school and I knew that her house is at the same direction as mine.

Watch the tense you used, her home "was located" at the same direction with mine

If I'm right, her house is still in the same place right?

If so, then there's no way you use past tense

As artifact had pointed out, use "is" instead of "was" is much better

hydralisk

1.我覺得用approach用的不是很好
還是close比較好(個人意見)

Today,I tried a new way to get close to a girl~~~

2.還有，用today的時候，不要用過去式
若動作已完成，就不要用today。
例如:今天早上:in the morning
I tried a new way to get close to a girl.....in the morning.
(有錯請糾正)

saharet

[QUOTE=hydralisk]1.我覺得用approach用的不是很好
還是close比較好(個人意見)

Today,I tried a new way to get close to a girl~~~

2.還有，用today的時候，不要用過去式
若動作已完成，就不要用today。
例如:今天早上:in the morning
I tried a new way to get close to a girl.....in the morning.
(有錯請糾正)[/QUOTE]

yup, I think using "[COLOR="Red"]approach" here is not really a good choice of words
for me I'd just use "[COLOR="Orange"]to get close to"

However, I think using "[COLOR="Red"]today" is ok
it can be "[COLOR="LemonChiffon"]Today, I did something something"
for future tense, it can be, "[COLOR="LemonChiffon"]Today, I'm going to do something something"
the today in past tense is often used in the diary, and as for the future tense, it's more often used in your plan for a certain day.

So what I would write is:
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[COLOR="Yellow"]Today,I tried a new way to get close to a girl whom I've had [COLOR="Red"]a crush on since last year.
[COLOR="LightBlue"](如果沒有a 會以為你去年用腳踏車輾他還怎樣的,不知道為什麼我覺得[COLOR="Orange"]I have had a crush on比較好,我是覺得比較有"[COLOR="orange"]我去年就開始喜歡他"的感覺)
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

I went to school by riding my bicycle and I knew that her home was located at the same direction with mine.
[COLOR="LightBlue"](這句話的兩件事一開始覺得一點都不相干,會覺得沒有文章沒有連起來,所以建議你分開寫變成兩句,或者增加一些解釋讓這兩樣東西有相關)
例如:
[COLOR="yellow"]Because I know her house is located at the same direction as mine on our route to school, so I went to school by riding my bicycle and hoped that I can meet her on the way.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

After school and cram school,the thing I dreamed for a long times happened.
[COLOR="lightblue"](不太懂[COLOR="Red"]cram school 是什麼意思,如果是忙功課忙讀書那些,那我不知道怎麼講XD, 因為加上之前的一些東西,所以可以寫寫去學校的中途沒有遇到之類的. 例:However, I didn't see her on my way to school.)修改過後:
[COLOR="yellow"]However, I didn't see her on my way to school. Nonetheless, when I was going back after school, my dream had come true.
[COLOR="lightblue"](雖然my dream had come true跟the thing I dreamed for a long time had happened不太一樣,但是我覺得簡短的my dream had come true就好了, 因為"thing"這個東西很難解釋,所以在文章裡最好不要出現這東西,除非你能把他詮釋的很好)
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

The girl rode her bicycle to go home and I was just near by her.
[COLOR="lightblue"](我是覺得用騎腳踏車在他回家的路上比較好啦....不過我不確定你是正好在他附近還是在他旁邊,不過[COLOR="Orange"]beside可以有很多方向的XD)
[COLOR="yellow"]The girl was riding her bicycle on the way back to her house, and I was just beside her.
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We chated a little while and said good-bye to each other.
[COLOR="lightblue"](這裡就是簡單的放個"[COLOR="orange"]for", and "[COLOR="orange"]then"進去就好啦)
[COLOR="yellow"]We chatted for a little while and then said good-bye to each other
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Even though just about three minutes,I was as happy as clam.
[COLOR="lightblue"]([COLOR="Red"]clam第二個意思是指守口如瓶的人,應該不是這意思吧=口=, 不過如果真的很高興的話也可以說 [COLOR="Orange"]I had never been this happy before, 但是如果沒那麼高興的話就放[COLOR="orange"] I was so happy就夠了)
[COLOR="yellow"]Even though it was just about three minutes, I was so happy (about that little conversation we had.)
[COLOR="lightblue"]括弧裡面的可有可無
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Now I love to ride to school.
[COLOR="yellow"]Now I love riding to school.
[COLOR="lightblue"](差不多就這樣)
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Today,I tried a new way to get close to a girl whom I've had a crush on since last year. Because I know her house is located at the same direction as mine on our route to school, so I went to school by riding my bicycle and hoped that I can meet her on the way. However, I didn't see her on my way to school. Nonetheless, when I was going back after school, my dream had come true. The girl was riding her bicycle on the way back to her house, and I was just beside her. We chatted for a little while and then said good-bye to each other. Even though it was just about three minutes, I was so happy. Now I love riding to school.

個人淺見請多多指教... /囧\

阿還有spell的過去式
spelled跟spelt其實都可以喔

最終奧義

如果我沒記錯的話, cram school 應該是補習班或是課後輔導班

跟tutorial lesson有點類似....

saharet

ahhhh I see~~~
現在懂了XD